Let’s face it: People ghost and it sucks. 

You start dating someone for a few weeks and suddenly, out of nowhere, your phone stops lighting up with their name and communication totally stops, even after you try and start a conversation or make plans with them.

You wait a week or so and never hear from them again, leaving you wondering what the heck went wrong.

Getting ghosted can damage your self-esteem and make going on a new date more difficult because you’re afraid it could happen again. But, while getting ghosted does indeed suck, it’s bound to happen to pretty much everyone who goes on a dating journey.

For the most part, the act of ghosting says everything about the person ghosting and not the ghosted.

After you’ve been ghosted, you may have the urge to reach out to get some answers for closure or speak your mind because you feel disrespected by their lack of communication. Unless you’re a literal relationship expert, you may not be entirely sure what to say.

If that’s the case, here are text message ideas to send after getting ghosted.

How To Know You’ve Been Ghosted

Of course, you don’t want to always jump to conclusions. Life happens, including emergency situations, so you don’t want to completely cut someone off if their silence is truly out of left field. That said, if you think you’re getting ghosted, you probably are. Maybe give them a week before sending the final text.

Should You Really Text Them After They Ghosted You?

Whether you should text them after they ghosted you depends on what your true intention of texting them is. Is it to get a response? To get the last word? To be petty? If it is for any of those reasons, you might consider taking a step back before firing off something you might regret texting later on.

That said, there are a few occasions when sending a text after being ghosted might be appropriate. Some of these scenarios may include:

• You want closure
• You want to express your emotions
• You were dating consistently or in a relationship with them

Ultimately, the point of sending a text message after being ghosted is to help you move past it and go on with your dating life. The text message should never be about winning them back or based on the hope that they may want to try again. If they did, they would have already texted you. Besides, even if they did, why would you want to reward bad behavior by taking them back?

It’s important to remember the ghost may continue to ghost and not respond. If you’re truly okay with that, below are 14 texts to send to someone who ghosted you.

Things To Keep In Mind Before You Text After Being Ghosted

Of course, there are still a number of important tips to keep in mind before you message the person who ghosted.

Stay cool, calm, and collected

Your hurt feelings are 100 percent valid. But you want to make sure the message shows that you’re sending the text from a place of self-respect and expression. Focus on being the bigger person. Just because they didn’t treat you with respect doesn’t mean you can’t set a good example.

Skip the guilt-tripping

It won’t do anything but make you feel worse.

Keep it to a single text

No doubling texting if they don’t respond.

Be empowered and self-respecting

You want the power in your hands, not the ghost. Don’t say something like “I guess I just don’t matter anymore…” No. Stop that. Your worth isn’t dictated by their inability to talk about something uncomfortable.

Remember the context

It is also important to keep in mind the context of the relationship you had with the other person. If it was a steady, defined relationship or someone you went on more than one date with, definitely feel empowered to send a text. But if it was someone you maybe only went on a single date with or were casually talking to, it might be best to just leave it alone.

Texts To Send If You Want Closure

1. “I am getting the sense I’m getting ghosted. If you want to end things, that is okay. However, if we can have an honest conversation about where your head is at, I would appreciate it. It can be over the phone or in person.”
2. “I enjoyed getting to know you the last few weeks, but I realize our time has come to a close. I’d still love to have to talk in person about what happened first if you’re willing to do that. Let me know.”
3. “Since you do not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about what our deal is, I will close the door for us. Please do not reach out in three weeks and expect me to respond. I won’t.”
4. “I’m bummed that our story had such an anti-climatic ending, but I guess that is now in the past. We’re cool. Best of luck.”
5. “I’m not sure if something went wrong or if you simply lost interest, but I’m going to take the fact that I haven’t heard from you as your way of saying you have moved on. Now I will do the same.”

Texts To Send If You Want To Speak Your Mind

1. “Hey, it seems like you’ve lost interest and we aren’t on the same page anymore. While that is totally fine, I do wish you had considered my emotions and let me know that this was the case. I deserve that much. That said, I wish you well.”
2. “I have to say, I thought we had a great connection so the disappearing act on your end really surprised me. While I am not entirely sure what happened between us, I am going to assume that your lack of contact means that you are no longer interested. I wish you the best.”
3. “Getting ghosted sucks and I’m bummed that this is the way you communicate with someone you are no longer interested in. I hope you find what you’re looking for. No hard feelings.”
4. “It looks as though our communication styles definitely differ. I think we should agree to see other people.”

Texts To Send If You Were Dating Or In A Relationship

1. “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay. I hope you are.”
2. “I wish you had let me know that I was free to date other people since we are apparently over. Good luck out there.”
3. “Up to this point, I really thought we were a good match but I need a partner who can communicate.”
4. “Based on your silence, I am going to assume that you are no longer interested in us as a couple. I wish you well.”
5. I have to admit I am hurt that our relationship wasn’t worth a proper goodbye to you. You didn’t seem like the person who would ghost a partner but I guess sometimes our feelings about people are wrong. I hope you treat the next person you date with more kindness.”

What To Do After Sending The Text

Arguably, the worst part after sending the final text is waiting for them to potentially respond. The best thing you can do the moment after texting them is to put your phone down and distract yourself. Hang out with your friends or watch your favorite show.

If They Don’t Respond…

Even if you send the absolute perfect text, you still may not get an actual response. (Sometimes, no response is a response.) That’s okay, though. Remind yourself that you deserve better than someone who can’t put in the effort to communicate with you.

Don’t feel embarrassed that you reached out. You were honest in a way they couldn’t be and you should be proud.

If They Do Respond…

However, if they do give you a response, evaluate the content of the message. If they still aren’t being fully honest, don’t respond. However, if it seems they are interested in having a conversation about what happened, feel free to send your own response.

In the end, it is totally up to you if you want to send a text to the person who ghosted you. You can run it by your friends, read articles like this, or even consult a dating coach or relationship coach for advice first, but the point is that it really is up to you to decide.

If the thought of sending a message makes you feel wildly uncomfortable or you’re ready to pop off, then it might be best to decide to wait. In the end, you may realize they aren’t worth the effort after all.

These haunted dolls don’t exactly play well with others. Here are four haunted dolls and their terrifying backstories.

1. Annabelle

You for sure know Annabelle by name, but do you know her story? Annabelle, who was made famous by the film of the same name as well as The Conjuring, is actually a Raggedy Ann doll.

During the 1970s, Annabelle was given to a student studying nursing named Donna. Donna and her roommate would often come home and find the doll had changed her position or even moved from room to room. Even more creepy, Donna and her roommate would come across handwritten notes asking for help. Big yikes.

Eventually, Annabelle was taken by paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren. She is still a member of their Occult Museum.

2. Okiku

The legend of Okiku begins in Hokkaido, in 1918. Okiku was purchased by a 17-year-old boy named Eikichi Suzuki. He bought the doll for his three-year-old sister, Kikuko. Kikuko was said to have adored the doll. Kikuko sadly passed away shortly after.

Then Okiku’s hair began to grow. It’s believed that Okiku is possessed by Kikuko’s spirit.

3. Lilly

Lilly was made during the 1800s in Germany. Lilly has real human hair and was discovered by an antique dealer. The antique dealer took Lilly home but began to have horrific dreams. The dreams entailed a little girl who had a horrendous accident.

Lilly now resides at The Haunted Museum.

4. Robert The Doll

And finally, Robert The Doll is the inspiration behind the Chuckey doll. Robert found himself as a member of a family in the Key West of Florida. He was given as a gift to the son of the Otto family, Robert Eugene. The two were reportedly inseparable. The boy often blamed the doll for his mistakes. As well, the family said the doll would change positions on its own.

Robert now resides at the East Martello Museum. Museum-goers who took the doll’s photo without permission are said to experience horrible fates as a result.

Today, we’re talking to internationally best-selling author Brianna Wiest about her journey as a writer navigating social media, creating momentum, and selling 1 million books.

101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think was published seven years ago but found widespread popularity more recently. People often assume that success is an instant event when it really is more of a gradual climb to the top, and 101 Essays is proof of this. Could you tell us a bit about your journey over the past seven years?

One of my absolute favorite things about that book, and this journey as a whole, is that it was truly passed from one person to the next. Often, you’ll see a book spike in sales when it first comes out because of all the marketing and campaigning an author and their publisher will do, but the magic is really a perennial seller, an evergreen. A book that sells because a person had such a deep and meaningful experience with it and want the people in their lives to have it too.

BookTok has clearly been a big fan of your books, especially The Mountain Is You and 101 Essays. What was that like to see your books quite literally all over TikTok? 

Totally surreal. I absolutely never get used to it, it’s incredible every time another video pops up on my FYP.

Here are seven reasons why Paramount’s new horror movie Smile will fulfill all your horror cravings.

1. The trailer is its own horror story.

Smile‘s trailer is absolutely terrifying in its own right. In fact, Mashable dubbed it as a contender for the creepiest horror movie trailer of 2022. 

In the two-minute preview, you’re met with more questions than answers (and probably less sleep after watching too). And this is precisely why the trailer is perfect for the movie. It accurately depicts the horrendous, thrilling mystery that is Smile.

2. All. The. Jump. Scares.

Expect plenty of perfect jump scares throughout the film. Nope, not telling you when. 

3. The plot will leave you enthralled and afraid.

The plot is twisty as hell. Dr. Rose Cotter is an empathetic and talented psychiatrist. During an appointment, a terrified psychiatric patient tells Dr. Cotter she sees “something” smiling at her that no one else can see.

Following the traumatic appointment, Dr. Cotter then begins to see the sinister smiles everywhere on others in her own life. Soon, Dr. Cotter understands that she must figure out what this evil entity is so she can defeat it before it swallows her, too.

4. A lead character you can root for.

Just like the mysteriously evil forces chasing her, Dr. Rose Cotter is a woman to be reckoned with. Dr. Cotter is tenacious and tough, especially in the face of adversity. She is determined to make it out alive, no matter what. She is a strong lead character, one you will want to cheer on. 

Dr. Cotter is played by breakout star Sosie Bacon. Kal Penn, Kyle Gallner, and Jessie Usher make up the rest of the cast and play their parts to absolute perfection.

5. Smile will make you question everything, including your own perception.

Like Dr. Cotter, you too will question everything, including your own perception. It will be hard to distinguish between reality and fantasy, paranoia and justified angst. With every twist and turn, you will feel completely ungrounded. 

6. Smile will keep you on the edge of your seat.

Smile is being classified as a psychological horror movie, and for good reason. It is nail-gripping and unpredictable. Just when you think you’ve figured out the cause for all the grinning deaths and mayhem, you will be introduced to another twist or turn. Smile is psychological whiplash. 

7. It’s being released just in time for spooky season.

Get ready to turn that frown upside down. Smile is coming to theaters on September 30th, 2022, just in time for spooky season. 

“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” – Buddha 

Hello, my name is Molly Burford and I am a former manifestation skeptic. After all, manifesting sounded too passive, too good, and too simple to actually work. I mean, think good things and good things will happen as a result? As if. To me, manifesting sounded like a used car salesman promising me a 2003 Toyota would drive like a Tesla if I just *~wished~* it would. I don’t know much about cars, but I’m gonna say that’s highly unlikely!

That said, I’ve been in a rut for the past couple of years, despite many wonderful and transformative things happening around me and to me. Even though things looked great on the surface, I was still deeply unhappy. I was constantly feeling alone, lost, and anxiety-ridden. 

Something had to change. In addition to returning to therapy, I have been doing my own research about ways to ground myself and increase my contentment. Interestingly, manifesting continuously popped up during my Google searches and social media scrolls. Since what I had been doing clearly wasn’t working, I decided to dig deeper into other routes, and this included manifestation. 

As it turns out, I didn’t know much about manifesting because my ideas about the practice were completely wrong. And, not only was I misunderstanding what manifestation was, but I was also doing myself and my life a disservice. 

But as a total beginner at manifesting, I wasn’t exactly sure where to start my own manifesting journey. That’s where Victoria Jackson comes in. Jackson is a certified mindset coach and founder of The Manifestation Collective. She also has a debut book arriving on December 1st, 2022, Manifesting for Beginners. 

Read on below to learn more about manifestation for beginners as well as Jackson’s upcoming book.

What is Manifesting? 

First, a basic definition. “In the simplest of terms, manifesting is to create your reality with your thoughts,” explains Jackson. “According to the universal law of attraction, the energy we put out is the energy we receive back, and we are manifesting every second of each day. By co-creating with the universe and understanding how the law of attraction works, we can consciously manifest our dreams and desires by changing our thoughts and what we focus on.” 

That said, manifesting is not just positive thinking and hoping the universe responds by bringing your dreams into the physical world. Rather, the manifestation process is about harnessing positive energy and redirecting your thoughts to focus on the things you desire most. 

How Does Manifestation Work? 

One of the basic principles of manifesting is the law of attraction, which is based on the idea that we get back what we put into the universe. You can think of the law of attraction as a stage light. The more light you put on a specific area of the stage, the brighter that area will become and the more attention the audience will pay to that section. In other words, the more energy you put into a specific goal, the more the universe will pay attention and help you get to where you want to go.

Manifestation works by meeting the universe halfway with inspired action. You can manifest money, love, a job, a new car, a person, etc. through various manifestation techniques.

“When I first discovered manifestation, a lot of the advice on the internet was to let the universe deliver its magic and sit back and wait for it to happen,” says Jackson. “Now, as a goal-getter, that really isn’t my energy. So, I decided to see how I could put the action into the law of attraction and I found by actually taking steps towards my dreams and meeting the universe halfway, I was manifesting incredibly quickly. This is why I like to combine soul with strategy in everything I teach. That’s where the real power is.”

Manifestation Techniques 

There are a number of different manifestation techniques to utilize the law of attraction and help you manifest what you want in your future.

Create a vision board

Vision boards are a fantastic tool to help you visualize your ideal future. You can do this digitally, such as designing a board on Canva and setting it as your computer background or with good old collage methods using magazine clippings. 

In terms of what you’d put on your mood board, it should be visuals that evoke what you seek. Those interested in manifesting love, for example, might use imagery of what they imagine their ideal soulmate might look like. For those more interested in manifesting money, they may use imagery of what their money would get them such as a house, new car, etc. 

“In terms of mindset, there is real power in seeing something visually on a daily basis to help your reticular activating system filter out things that don’t align with your dream vision and help you achieve your goals quicker,” says Jackson. 

Journal

Journaling is another great way to help you manifest. However, you must be intentional about what you journal about.

“Journaling is actually my most successful and favorite form of manifesting. I like to sit and write a diary entry as my future self (this is called scripting) and I describe my day as if my desires have already come to fruition,” Jackson tells us. In other words, journal in the present tense as if you are already living your best life and watch your dreams become reality.

Learn more about scripting on Jackson’s blog post here.

Express gratitude 

Expressing gratitude is a fundamental component of the manifestation process. “Manifestation has always allowed me to see situations differently. While I don’t believe that it’s possible as humans with a range of emotions to be happy 100% of the time, I do believe we can switch our state to that of gratitude in some small way most days,” says Jackson. Keeping a gratitude journal is one way to do this along with other practices such as meditation.

How To Begin Your Manifestation Journey 

In order to start manifesting, there are a number of things Jackson recommends keeping in mind.

Get specific 

“My biggest tip for any manifesting newbie is to get specific about the life you want to live. Not a life that looks good on social media, but a life that feels good in the soul,” says Jackson. “This is why in my upcoming book, Manifesting For Beginners, I dedicate an entire chapter to soul goals, really getting to the root of what you want from life, because the moment you set the intention for what you actually want, the universe can get to work helping you bring it to fruition.”

Decide how you want your day to go 

“A second tip would be to decide how you want your day to go the moment you wake up. You can control your thoughts by waking up and saying to yourself, ‘Regardless of what comes my way today, I am going to thrive rather than just survive.’ When you do this, you allow yourself to change the trajectory of your day. I always remind my community, that while we can’t always control what happens to us, we CAN control how we react.”

Be flexible

“Don’t become overwhelmed by all of the advice online when it comes to the law of attraction. There are no hard and fast rules, the most important thing to focus on is your energy,” encourages Jackson. 

Don’t worry about making mistakes

“I don’t believe that there are any mistakes when it comes to manifestation, only lessons and blessings, but one common struggle I see time and time again is focusing too much on the how and the when,” says Jackson. “So, you have created your vision board and on there you have an image to represent your soulmate. You’ve asked the universe and set your intention to meet the love of your life. However, where you begin to strangle your desire, is by trying to control the ‘how you’ll meet them’ and the ‘when you’ll meet them.’”

Manifestation, as it turns out, is about relinquishing control as much as it is about letting go of limiting beliefs. “You see, the how and the when aren’t for us to control, this is the space where the universe works its magic. This is where we have to lean into divine timing and trust that whatever is meant for us will never pass us by,” says Jackson.

Ultimately, to manifest is to hope. It is an act of faith. It is trusting in something greater than yourself. It is about putting in the same energy you want to receive back from the universe.

What is Manifesting For Beginners?

“I’m so excited to launch my debut book, Manifesting for Beginners: A Step-by-Step Guide to Attracting a Life You Love!” says Jackson. “Funnily enough, I actually wrote a Facebook status back in 2017 which said “I am putting it out into the universe that I will sign a book deal”, and then in 2021 I receive an email from the team at Octopus Books that asked if I would like to write a book for them on the concept of manifestation. I manifested my book on manifesting!” 

The book itself is broken down into nine chapters, taking a look at everything from soul goals to the various ways of setting your intentions with the universe, to taking action, to releasing your grip on your desires, and so much more. 

“I wanted the book to feel light and easy, allowing you to dip in and out whenever you want to reconnect to the universe,” explains Jackson. “It’s a beautiful mix of manifestation and mindset, with spirituality thrown together with science.”

You can preorder Jackson’s upcoming release on Shop Catalog.

American Horror Story is a TV series on FX that is about to premiere its 11th season. I have seen exactly zero of the episodes from any season but I think I have a pretty good idea about what the show entails!

Based on my expert knowledge, I have a number of storyline ideas for American Horror Story‘s future seasons that I really think would do amazingly well. Mr. Murphy, my inbox is open.

Anyway, without further ado, here are American Horror Story plot ideas for future seasons, from someone who has never seen the show.

American Horror Story: Kardashian White House

Exactly what it sounds like. President Kris. Vice President Khloe. Secretary of State Kendall (she is great at compromise if you don’t remember from her Pepsi ad). Attorney General Kim. Secretary of Transportation Kylie. Kourtney isn’t in the cabinet, she’s just sort of there making side comments and shaking a salad.

During the Jenner-Kardashian administration, every American must receive a BBL.

American Horror Story: American Podcast Idol

A quest for the next great American podcast, except it’s for podcast bros. Instead of Ryan Seacrest as the producer, it’s Joe Rogan and Andrew Tate and the mean girl from TikTok with the red hair whose name I have already forgotten.

American Horror Story: 2000s Fashion Forever

Low-rise jeans are the only option for jeans. That’s pretty much it. Scary, right?

American Horror Story: Escaping From Walmart On Black Friday

The main characters for this season will get trapped in Walmart on Black Friday and must find a way to escape. But first, they must secure a big-screen TV. Chaos ensues.

American Horror Story: Health Insurance

In order to get health insurance, the main characters will have to answer a riddle given by Jigsaw, that scary guy from the SAW franchise. It doesn’t go well and everyone had to cut their feet off.

Over the past 10+ years, international best-selling author and writer Brianna Wiest has inspired millions of people around the world to change their thoughts and, in turn, change their lives. In March 2023, Wiest is back with The Pivot Year, 365 daily meditations for anyone in the midst of their pivot period, the space between where they currently stand and where they want to be. 

In her own words, here is Brianna Wiest on everything you need to know about her upcoming release, The Pivot Year.

First, tell us a little about The Pivot Year. What can readers expect from this upcoming release? 

I know that so many people have such busy schedules and hectic lives, carving out time for self-reflection is hard to do. I wanted to create something that would give readers a daily message that could either be something to meditate on or use as a thought exercise, to stretch their perceptions and hopefully begin to plant seeds for deeper and greater revelations to come.  

What inspired you to write The Pivot Year? Was it your own pivot period? Was it the insights you’ve gained throughout your years as a writer? A combination of the two? Give me the tea.

I would have to say that it’s more about a culmination of the self-work I have been doing for the past ten years. I tried to distill all of the ideas that I found to be helpful or expansive into something that is poetic, inspiring and easy to access each day.  

Over the years, your work has been primarily focused on personal transformation and change. For example, 101 Essays is about changing the way we think, and The Mountain Is You is about changing our self-sabotaging behaviors. The Pivot Year, however, is a little different as the premise is based on the idea that who we are meant to be is already inside of us; it’s just a matter of inviting our true selves to come out of hiding. With all of that said, why do you think so many people, myself included, struggle with being their most authentic selves? 

I hope that a common thread through all of my work is the idea that our potential is always dormant within us. It’s a matter of if, and how, we activate it. I believe this is a layered process — changing the way we think, and then behave, consistently.

There are many reasons why it can feel hard to be your authentic self. First, our authentic selves are our most vulnerable selves. It’s not as painful to have someone reject a version of you that isn’t who you really are. Second, we adopt a lot of our identity through osmosis. Human beings are so incredibly suggestible and adaptable, and this is especially true if we see external consistencies — we begin to believe that is the only way people can be. This is why it’s so crucial to expand your perimeter, your circle, your environment. It normalizes differences in a way that makes authenticity feel safer. 

Last, we sometimes have a hard time finding ourselves because our authentic selves are not a product of our stream of consciousness. They are not who we are when we follow every want, interest or desire on a whim. They are the people we become when we learn to live in accordance with our truest values and ideals. They are the people we become when we begin to hold ourselves to our own standards, and to have more integrity. 

What are the biggest takeaways you hope your readers will glean from The Pivot Year? 

I genuinely hope that there will be days where readers have the words of the day echoing through their minds as a kind of landing place that they can keep returning to. In down-time, or on their commute, or before bed, I would love for them to be able to think about what they read that day and I hope it evokes more self-realization and epiphanies about how to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

What is your favorite quote from The Pivot Year? 

“Life  will  bring  you  to  your  knees.  Sometimes  with  pain, sometimes with beauty, sometimes with both at once. It will weather down your defenses and it will give you opportunities to love. It will disguise miracles in the most ordinary moments. It will bruise your heart until it breaks open. It will teach you, slowly, that it’s not out there, it’s inside. It’s all  inside.  It  will  go  more  slowly  than  you  can  bear  and  more quickly than you can imagine. It will lead you down unexpected turns that twist into destiny, and you will learn to  trust.  You  will  learn  to  believe  in  the  releasing  of  the  layers of illusion that stand between you and the realization of your soul’s deepest desires.”

Finally, when and where will The Pivot Year be released? 

March 2023, on Shop Catalog, Amazon, Indigo, Apple Books, and local booksellers in the US + Canada. 

The Pivot Year is available now for pre-order on Shop Catalog.

I can’t remember the last time I went on a date. My Hinge profile is set to “paused,” which means it’s undiscoverable to potential new matches. 

I have my reasons for taking a break from dating. For example:

I’m focusing on myself.

I want to be the most confident version of myself before I put myself out there.

A pandemic.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

But the biggest reason is that I have been afraid is because I have borderline personality disorder (BPD). I’m terrified about what a future partner may think when I reveal my diagnosis.

You see, BPD is one of the most stigmatized mental health disorders. People with BPD are often painted as manipulative and explosive. Not exactly desirable traits for a future relationship.

That said, these beliefs are misconceptions. People with BPD are not intentionally trying to hurt or manipulate others. Rather, behaviors exhibited by people with BPD that may be labeled as manipulative are not purposeful and are attempts to try and get needs met. As described in The Mighty: 

“The word ‘manipulation’ implies skillful and malicious intent, but more often than not, these behaviors are usually just desperate, unskilled attempts by someone with BPD to get emotional needs met that were neglected in an abusive or invalidating upbringing.”

For those who don’t know, BPD is an emotional regulation disorder that is estimated to affect 1.4 percent of the U.S. population. BPD is marked by various symptoms including frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, unstable interpersonal relationships, distorted self-image, and more. In order to be diagnosed with BPD, you need to exhibit five of the nine DSM-5 criteria. 

The cause of BPD is not yet entirely known. However, researchers believe a combination of factors may be to blame including genetics, trauma, and structural differences in the brain.

When it comes to my own experience with BPD, relationships have been one of my biggest and most consistent struggles. While BPD presents differently in everyone, navigating relationships is a common concern, especially romantic ones.

All of this said, I’m working on building my confidence and have been managing my condition through therapy, hard work, and medication. I want a relationship one day. I deserve to love and be loved. My BPD doesn’t define my ability to do that. My hope is that by being open and honest about my mental health both in my writing and in my personal life, I can help dismantle the stigma that comes with BPD.

While dating with BPD can be difficult, it is by no means impossible. People with BPD are more than able to have loving, fulfilling relationships, romantic and otherwise. If someone judges you for having BPD despite working adamantly at managing your condition, please know they don’t deserve you anyway. 

From writer-director Damien Chazelle, Babylon is an ensemble film set in the late 1920s to early 1930s when films were transitioning from silent to sound. Hilarious, magical, and insanely tumultuous, Babylon is not only a celebration of filmmaking but also of doing wayyyy too much. Of being too much and over the top and not giving a damn what anyone else thinks about it!

Through skilled filmmaking, Babylon tells its story with outrageous perfection. But there are a few major moments in the film that not only will leave you glued to the screen but also will change the way you watch movies going forward (and maybe the way you lead your life, too). Here are six of those show-stopping scenes.

Transporting a live elephant from the dusty outskirts of Los Angeles to a party in Bel Air.

Let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? Or rather, the elephant outside of Los Angeles. In a scene of epic proportions, Manny (played by Diego Calva) transfers a live elephant from the dusty outskirts of LA to a party in Bel Air. And why? To make a scene! Granted, it does not go well but not in the way you’d think.

A manic race through the streets of LA with the last available camera in the city before the sun sets on an epic production with thousands of extras.

The golden hour isn’t just valuable for getting the perfect selfie for the ‘Gram, it’s valuable in the filmmaking process as well. At one point, there is a race through the busy streets of Los Angeles to the last-available camera and utter mayhem follows suit. This scene really captures the importance of lighting in movies and will make you appreciate these details more than you have before. 

Tobey Maguire’s performance. Period.

Because obviously! It’s Tobey Maguire! Maguire’s performance will make you understand the value of casting.

Margot Robbie’s character fights a f*ing snake.

Margot Robbie plays the formidable Nellie LaRoy who dreams of making it big in LA. LaRoy won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of her reaching dreams, including, as it turns out, a literal goddamn SNAKE. 

The wildest bacchanalian party ever committed to film.

And you thought your college frat parties were on one. Not even. Babylon features the wildest and most unhinged bacchanalian party ever committed to film. If you want utter debauchery, terrible decisions with hilarious outcomes, and amazing fashion, then you’re in luck. 

A film crew who has only made silent movies must shoot one of the first sound pictures. Much rage and absurd hilarity ensue.

It’s hard to be a beginner and the scene featuring a film crew who has only ever worked on silent films making a sound picture for the first time will make you laugh out loud but also realize how different movies used to be. It will show you the power of dialogue and delivery and make you appreciate these facets of filmmaking so much more. 

Emotional intelligence is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. In fact, a 15-year-long study even showed that emotional intelligence was a major predictor of relationship satisfaction and the length of a relationship.

Emotional intelligence matters, and some women understand this more than others. While emotional intelligence is important for all types of relationships, romantic and otherwise, this piece will focus on romantic relationships in particular.

And so, without further ado, here are 10 things women who value emotional intelligence do differently in relationships.

1. She communicates openly and honestly.

Basically, her communication skills are top-notch. She is open, honest, and direct when discussing important matters. She doesn’t avoid difficult subject matter and lets her partner know if something is bothering her or if she needs a shoulder to lean on. She doesn’t expect her partner to read her mind and always anticipate what she may need at a given moment. And so, she simply tells them.

As well, a woman who values emotional intelligence listens to her partner without just waiting for her turn to speak. She engages in active listening, asking questions and seeking to understand her partner’s perspective (even if she doesn’t always necessarily agree). She knows that communication is a two-way street and it’s about talking as much as it is listening.

2. She seeks out moments of solitude.

An emotionally intelligent woman embraces solitude and makes sure she makes time to be alone and enjoy her own company. This is because she knows spending time solo is imperative for not only reconnecting with herself, but also for recharging and creating her relationship with her partner stronger, too.

3. She isn’t afraid of the ebbs and flows.

In other words, a woman who values emotional intelligence understands that there will be ups and downs within the partnership. And she takes this fact in stride. She doesn’t panic when her relationship feels a little boring or if things aren’t clicking perfectly. This is because she knows that factors outside of the partnership, such as work and stress, can play a role. She lets everything run its course because she has faith in her partner, in herself, and in the relationship. She trusts that things will work themselves out because they always do.

4. She relies on herself.

This isn’t to say she won’t lean on her partner for support when she needs it or refuses to ask for help. This just means that a woman with high emotional intelligence knows that, in the end, only she is responsible for her emotions, her decisions, and her actions.

5. She practices gratitude.

Gratitude is an important part of emotional intelligence. She is aware of the good things in her life and makes sure she takes the time to appreciate them. She’s not constantly chasing the next best thing. She is present, she is secure, and she is grounded.

6. She has strong friendships.

She invests in her friendships and has strong, healthy relationships with those she holds closest. Her friends are deeply important to her and she treats each friend as the investment she sees them as.

7. She’s open to feedback.

She isn’t defensive when someone may have a piece of constructive criticism for her. Rather, she listens to what the other person has to say and considers their point of view. Of course, she knows that not all feedback is relative and she always considers the source. But she still hears others out because she is confident in herself, and she takes in the opinions of those who matter (and forgets the rest).

8. She has healthy boundaries.

She sets healthy boundaries with her partner and encourages them to enforce their own. She understands that boundaries will only bring herself and her partner closer, and ultimately make their bond that much stronger.

9. She embraces change.

She knows you can’t grow and expand without change. As such, she’s always seeking out new experiences, both to experience individually and with her partner.

10. She doesn’t expect a perfect partnership.

But she doesn’t want perfection anyway. She just wants the real thing.

“I still feel you all around.” – Taylor Swift, “Marjorie”

“Does anyone want a waffle maker?” Uncle Gil asked in our absurdly large family group chat. We were preparing to sell my grandparents’ home, both of whom had recently passed on, Granny in April 2020, and Grandpa in July 2022. As such, we were beginning to clear out the relics of lives once lived. DVDs and floral candle holders with candle sticks that had well-worn wicks. Grandpa’s dozens of hockey trophies and coffee cups. Side tables and couches and photographs of all of our shared memories.

“I’ll take it!” I texted back. I also was able to snag the Keurig and a few other pieces of decor, including the floral candle holders that belonged to Granny and her gold jewelry box where I now keep a pair of pearl earrings she used to wear, too.

I have to admit, there’s a weird sense of guilt in taking your grandparents’ items. Sure, they don’t need them anymore but being excited about finally getting a Keurig, but only because your grandparents died, does create a peculiar juxtaposition of feelings. It almost feels like you’re taking advantage of a situation you wish never happened (even though it was also unavoidable). But still, that shame and sadness lingers and you wish you could trade the damn coffee maker for just a little more time with the people it belonged to first. 

***

The things I wish I could take with me from Granny and Grandpa’s are the feelings. The warmth. The sense of safety. The inkling everything was going to be okay. That I was okay, too. Because as someone who struggled with mental health for as long as I can remember, I have always had the belief that I am difficult to love. And at 31, I still feel this way most days. Granny and Grandpa never made me feel that way, though. Even when I was at my most unwell, Granny and Grandpa would welcome me into their home on Ivanhoe. I spent a lot of time there during the summer before and after senior year of high school.

Ivanhoe became my safe place, a refuge from the storm my mind was trying to kill me with. The clouds always seemed to clear the second I stepped through their front door. 

***

Recently, I found a box full of memories that had a note Granny wrote me for high school graduation in 2010. At that time, I was 18 and volatile and sad and stubborn and ashamed at the fact I couldn’t be any better and do any better either.

“I wish I could keep you just as you are,” Granny had written. 

I immediately burst into tears. 

Despite the emotional disarray that has held me hostage, Granny still saw good in me somehow. And because I trust her, I’m starting to believe maybe that there is (and was) goodness in me, along with my fraying edges and short fuse. 

***

At Grandpa’s funeral, Uncle Gil gave the eulogy. He based it on the word happenstance, a phenomenon that truly defined Grandpa’s life. Things just always seemed to work out for him. He was always at the right place, at the right time. 

The best part was Grandpa truly recognized his luck. He always knew when he had something special in front of him, and he always made sure to make the most of the serendipitous encounters as well. 

When we were clearing out Granny and Grandpa’s house, my cousin happened to stumbled across a note my Grandpa had written to himself:

“As I have learned over and over, ‘Faith, family, & friends are indeed the greatest treasures of life.’ How true! G”

***

“You’ll never meet anyone like him again,” Mom said after he passed. She’s right; I know I won’t. None of us will. But the truth of the matter is we are all witnesses of happenstance, too. 

After all, we had him. And we were lucky. 

***

When someone you love dies, you try to find little signs that they were here and loved you once, and usually this evidence exists in the things they left behind. When I make my coffee in the morning, I always think about Grandpa offering me a cup of coffee whenever I used to visit. 

On Granny’s 80th birthday, we were all given tiny, glass bluebird figurines, a memento that watches over me on the shelf as I wash my dishes. When I glance up at the bluebird, I like to think of Granny bustling around in her own kitchen with the floral wallpaper, a place where we all spent so much time growing, loving, and laughing.

***

It’s been said that grief is love with nowhere to go but I don’t think that’s entirely true anymore. I’m beginning to realize that maybe the leftover love we have for the people who have passed on does have somewhere to go, and that’s because that love never left us. 

It lives on within us. 

***

Granny got distracted easily but also loved to pay attention. To everything all at once. She’d notice a little haphazard tree while driving or the flowers someone lovingly planted in front of their home. She saw things just begging to be admired that no one else seemed to care about. So she picked up the slack. She was in awe of the world. 

She noticed the good in me, too. And everyone, really. She understood people in a way most others do not.  

I know I will never meet anyone like her again either. But I’m lucky I did.

Happenstance.

***

On the day of Grandpa’s funeral, we went back to the yellow house on Ivanhoe that raised our family after the service and the wake. Everything that had been there with us was there. The “BURFORD” mailbox. The Jesus stone statue in the backyard. The floral wallpaper. Everything felt familiar but so very different all at once. 

After dinner, Aunt Beth resembled her mother, fumbling with the dishes, and cleaning up the mess we made.

“How can I help?” I asked, even though I realized I was probably 30 minutes too late and the dishwasher was running and most things were back in their proper places. Aunt Beth smirked at me and we laughed. 

***

The Ivanhoe house was sold last summer to a lovely woman and her family. I like to think of the memories they’ll create there. I hope they feel the warmth, too. I pray they’ll sense that everything will be okay, too, and that they are enough as they are. 

I think they will. How could they not? They’re at the right place, at the right time.

Happenstance.

Over the weekend, Entertainment Tonight reported that Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn have separated after six years of dating. While Swift, 33, and Alwyn, 32, have not confirmed the split themselves, a source “close to Swift” confirmed the news to CNN saying, “Taylor and Joe broke up a few weeks ago. They simply grew apart and plan to remain friends.”

Despite the amicable ending, the breakup has shaken Taylor Nation to its already emotionally unhinged core:

@imgoingtojump

the world is a cruel place #taylorswift #joealwyn #fyp #midnights #lover #reputation #alltoowell

♬ All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) – Taylor Swift

(By the way, I am part of this demographic, don’t come after me, fellow Swifties.)

But unlike Swift’s other breakups, this one feels a little more gut-wrenching. While Alwyn and Swift intentionally kept their relationship private, the little glimpses we did get into their partnership showed a happy, healthy, and strong couple. Alwyn also inspired “Lavender Haze” on Swift’s recent studio album Midnights.

“My relationship for six years, we’ve had to dodge weird rumors, tabloid stuff, and we just ignore it,” Swift told Entertainment Tonight. “And so this song is sort of about the act of ignoring that stuff to protect the real stuff. I hope you guys like it.”

The Internet is having trouble processing how a relationship can inspire songs like “Lavender Haze” only to end mere months later, especially because Swift and Alwyn seemingly did everything right.

They kept their romance between just themselves. They protected “the real stuff” and loved with deep intention and commitment.

And yet, they still didn’t work.

But maybe that’s okay. Because maybe love isn’t about how long it lasts or if has forever potential. Maybe the best love stories are actually the ones that we were still brave enough to write despite their expiration dates.

Just because something ends, that doesn’t mean it didn’t matter or doesn’t matter. Love doesn’t always need to fall apart spectacularly in order for it end either. Sometimes, it simply needs to run its course. And when love leaves, perhaps one of the most romantic and loving things we can do for one another is to let each other go when it is time to do so.

But not all hope is lost. Because just as Swift once said, love is like daylight. It always arrives again.

I first stumbled across Ella Cerón’s writing in college. Cerón was one of the OG staff writers at Thought Catalog, and the one whose work resonated with me the most. Every time I saw Cerón published a new piece, I hurriedly clicked on the article to read it.

While I loved all of Cerón’s work, there is one piece she wrote that I never forgot called “Perfect Isn’t Interesting, Anyway.” In the essay, Cerón posits that perfection isn’t what makes someone compelling or worth loving:

“In retrospect, being perfect seems awfully lonely. And it’s tedious. There are, I think, far more compelling ways to spend your time than to second-guess everything you’re going to do and wear and eat and say. And someone will love you for all the flaws you expose, anyway.”

It was this piece that opened the door to my self-love journey and also helped me find the encouragement to finally end my own pursuit of perfection.

Learning to love myself despite by flaws has been a difficult road to travel but a worthy one, and I still have a ways to go. Luckily for me, though, Cerón is back with a debut YA novel called Viva Lola Espinoza. And if you too have ever believed you had to be perfect in order to be loved, in order to be interesting, and in order to live, Viva Lola Espinoza is the book for you.

After receiving an unexpected C in her Spanish class, Lola Espinoza’s parents send her to stay with her grandmother in Mexico City for the summer so she can learn Spanish before she comes back home for her senior year of high school.

When she arrives in Mexico City and starts working at her cousin’s restaurant, she meets the incredibly charming and handsome Rio and also discovers that her family is cursed. While Lola had never been lucky in love, she is now learning that this bad luck is actually by magical design.

With the help of Rio’s surly and stoic best friend Javi, Lola makes it a mission to break the family curse so she can fall in love without consequence. And over the course of that summer, Lola learns more about her family, herself, and the magic around us all.

In this beautiful coming-of-age tale, Lola comes to realize that maybe you never had to be perfect in order to be worthy of love. You just had to be brave enough to show up as yourself and all that you are. Viva Lola Espinoza is an important book and a reminder that perfection isn’t interesting, anyway.

‘Viva Lola Espinoza’ is available now.

Every mom deserves to feel extraordinary, which is why this Mother’s Day, Thought Catalog is partnering with Papyrus to share stories and products that make any mother figure feel special. Celebrate the moms in your life this May with a gift from Papyrus.

There are so many different moments that have molded us into the people we are today. Our childhoods. Our greatest heartbreaks. Our most triumphant moments. Our firsts and lasts and everything in between. But there is nothing in this life that has had quite the impact on us the way our mother figures have.  

After all, you taught us how to love. You showed us the power of compassion. You represented what kindness is and have proven time and time again that there is strength in radical gentleness and consideration for others. 

You taught us how to speak up for ourselves. You encouraged us to stand in our truth, and defended that truth, even when it might make us less liked or understood. You taught us that we are not for everyone and not everyone is for us, but that is okay. Because the right people will always be there and hear us out. 

You taught us that we have so much worth. And whenever we forgot that worth, you made sure to remind us. You always told us that we deserved our own love and kindness, and that this self-compassion was fundamental to becoming our best selves. 

Being a mother figure it isn’t just our birth mothers either. Sometimes, a mother figure is a coworker. A neighbor. A grandparent. A mentor. An aunt. 

It takes a special person to be considered a mother figure and being a mother figure is not something every person can do. It takes a certain kind of strength, determination, and character. It takes patience, it takes grit, it takes perseverance.

On Mother’s Day 2023, all of the mother figures deserve to feel extraordinary as they’ve made our world. It is a much kinder, brighter, and beautiful place to be thanks to them. Today, we celebrate you and you only. 

To the mother figures in our lives, thank you for making us who we are today. We couldn’t be who we are without your influence, your love, and your guidance. Here’s to you. We appreciate you more than words can ever say. 

Change is daunting. Change is terrifying. Change invites in the unknown. But mostly, change is inevitable. The truth is that, throughout our lives, things are absolutely going to shift and move around and evolve. And while some of these changes are out of our control, there are definitely facets of our existence that are within our power to change for the better. And in her newest release The Pivot Year, author Brianna Wiest wants to help us do just that.

The Pivot Year consists of 365 daily meditations, each one guiding us through the process of becoming who we were always meant to be. However, while The Pivot Year is a new book, Wiest’s mission of self-actualization is nothing new. Over the past decade, Wiest has inspired and challenged us and encouraged us. Wiest’s work has been deeply important in my own life and I know this is true for countless others. Her writing has moved me, called me out, and brought me back together. And I know The Pivot Year will be another cornerstone book for me.

But don’t take my word for it. In her own words, here is author Brianna Wiest on her latest book The Pivot Year, which meditation was most important to her, and why she writes the way she does.

First off, congratulations on the publication of The Pivot Year! Can you give us a brief rundown about what this book is about and how it differentiates itself from your other works?

The Pivot Year is different from my other books primarily because it’s a collection of daily meditations. I intend for it to be something you can read bit by bit, to incorporate into a morning practice, or bedtime routine. I want it to be something that feels digestible and easy and not intimidating to approach. I think that no matter how hungry we are for change and inner growth, sometimes it can just be hard to find enough time — and I don’t mean minute for minute, but really the mental space. Everyone is busy. We all have schedules and responsibilities and stressors. I want The Pivot Year to be something that can have a profound and positive impact on you without taking up so much of your day. 

For you, which meditation from The Pivot Year has been the most important in your own life?

This is a beautiful question and I think I would have to say it’s actually the few paragraphs that I included into the introduction, where I explain that the process of changing your life in the way it needs to be shifted is not one where you more closely align with external expectations, with the kind of person you think would make you more loved or appreciated or seen — but the kind of life that more clearly reflects the truth of who you are inside. The person you really are. The person you want to be. The life that gives you peace. The life that makes you proud. Even if other people don’t understand. 

How does someone know when they are in the midst of a pivot period? In other words, how does someone know they’re actually ready to change their life? 

None of us are ever ready for change, because change is never comfortable. So it’s not something that we will easily choose, even if it’s what we do genuinely want. However, I think what matters is reflecting on the fact that change has an inevitability factory to it. Our inner selves whisper until they scream — and the journey is about learning to hear and honor those whispers, to change when we are feeling nudged, before we are being forced. 

Some years are more transformative than others, and a pivot year definitely will be one of the most expansive years of someone’s life. Do you have any advice for someone about to undergo their own pivot period? For example, are there any challenges to be expected? Anything beautiful to look forward to?

You are meant to evolve. You are meant to grow. You are meant to change. In the world we live in today, where we are often connected to a collection of every person we’ve ever known throughout all the phases of our lives, it can feel extra difficult to break through all of the layers of expectation and find our inner truth. I want you to remember that not only is this natural and normal, it’s healthy. It’s healthy to grow and experiment and it takes bravery to do so. Most people are content to accept a life that they can deal with, rather than fighting for one they will savor, one they will be proud of at the end of the day. When you begin your pivot period, you’re not just ending one chapter and beginning another. You’re opening yourself to a way of living that has you responding more to the moment you’re in. Adapting in real-time. It’s not about ever arriving at one single goal or objective. It’s about becoming the person you actually want to be, and living as them each day — even when it’s hard. It’s harder to live a life that’s not true. And I think that’s what you need to remember. 

When it comes to personal growth, it can feel as though it is a never-ending journey. And, in a way, I think that is because the work of stepping into ourselves is never truly finished. And this can become exhausting, to say the least. With that said, how can The Pivot Year help make our healing and self-actualization journeys more successful and fulfilling?

My goal is to make growth feel more like the essence of, and an extension of, being wholly human… rather than a never-ending project to prove yourself as worthy of something you think someone else is withholding from you and might give if your prove yourself enough for it. My goal is to help everyone realize that this life will always present us with challenges, and it’s going to be how we learn to respond to them that determines our outcomes… not whether or not we can avoid them entirely. If we numb ourselves to the discomfort, we begin numbing ourselves to the joy. But that doesn’t mean we need to make our personal growth a constant forward motion. Often, the deepest growth comes from staying still. From learning to pause. From deep rest. From feeling that pinching, stinging hurt — and choosing not to act on it. Growth is as quiet as it is loud. And I hope that’s something The Pivot Year helps everyone to remember. 

If you could go back in time at the start of one of your own pivot years, what do you wish you had done differently? And what would you have kept the same?

I wish I would have found my courage earlier. Every change I have ever made — beginning relationships and ending them, moving, again and again, altering and adjusting my work-life so that I had time and space for what I actually cared about, who I spent time with and didn’t, what habits and coping mechanisms I allowed into my life and then when I had to draw a line in the sand — it never came out of nowhere. It was always the inevitable end-point of a clear trajectory that I could see at the beginning. I wish I had found the grace and bravery to change course when I knew I needed to. I wish I had wasted less time.  

For anyone who has not yet been introduced to you and your work, what would you want them to know about both yourself and your writing? 

I am not trying to sound self-deprecating here, and I hope that this will come across clearly — I am just a person trying to figure it out. And I want for us to all figure it out together. I write what I have needed to read. What’s helped me and soothed me and moved me forward. And then I offer it up to whoever might need it next. I’m not special in the way that a lot of writers in my genre are. I don’t have any exceptional accolades, other than that I have felt deeply called to write my heart out, and have done it with all the truth and conviction I could muster, and have found the courage to share it, again and again, and I hope that when you read my words, you will realize that from one stranger to another… you really aren’t alone. 

Anything else you want the world to know about yourself and The Pivot Year?

What I know for sure is that we cannot lose what’s meant for us. When we grow more completely into the people we are meant to be, the things that are meant for us meet us at a deeper and more beautiful place than ever before. Every time I was afraid to make a change, I was scared because I didn’t want to lose love in some way, shape or form. What I didn’t know was that to be loved as a person I wasn’t… is not to be loved at all. It wasn’t until I opened my heart to my own self… that others could meet it there, too. 

The Pivot Year is available now on Shop Catalog.

This month marks a great deal of exiting news around beloved author Brianna Wiest. First, her latest book The Pivot Year was released April 25, 2023 and Wiest is currently on tour right now promoting the book through packed book signings and speaking events. Second, the first episode of her new podcast, called simply the Brianna Wiest podcast, is live now on all platforms. 

Wiest discusses how we often unconsciously sabotage ourselves when we start to experience joy and positivity in our lives — a major theme of her book The Mountain Is You. This self-sabotage limits our forward momentum and connection to our desires. To overcome these joy extinguishers, we need to become aware of our upper limits and work to expand our capacity for positivity and happiness.

Wiest emphasizes that recognizing and overcoming our own upper limits is essential for achieving greater success, happiness, and fulfillment in our lives. She references the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks as a valuable resource for understanding and overcoming the upper limit problem.

In addition to discussing the upper limit problem, Wiest also explores the importance of seeing things from a new perspective, being aware of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, and expanding our capacity for joy and positivity. Find the podcast on your favorite platform or YouTube.

Quick Links

• Brianna Wiest Podcast on Spotify
• Brianna Wiest Podcast on Apple Podcasts
• Read The Pivot Year Now on Shop Catalog
• Free PDF version of The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest 

Mental health matters just as much as physical health. In fact, mental health and physical health are deeply intertwined and impact one another.

However, there is still a stigma with mental health issues and seeking treatment for those problems. And because of the stigma, many people may struggle to not only ask for help but also recognize that their mental health may be suffering.

Here are four red flags you seriously need to prioritize your mental health right now.

1. You’re incredibly irritable.

Basically, everything is making you mad. This includes even the most minor inconveniences such as getting your purse caught on the door handle or misplacing your keys temporarily. Positive things seem to be setting you off, too. For example, a friend you love texting you makes you feel stressed and on edge. Your fuse seems to be getting shorter and shorter and you’re not entirely sure why.

Irritability is a sign of mental health issues because it can be caused by a number of things including depression, anxiety, stress, or poor sleep.

2. Basic self-care is becoming increasingly difficult.

Standard self-care tasks such as showering, brushing your teeth, getting to bed at a reasonable hour, etc. has become incredibly difficult for you to accomplish.

3. You’re completely exhausted.

Even if you’re sleeping enough or even more than usual, it doesn’t seem to make a difference in your energy levels because you’re completely drained all the damn time.

4. You’ve been isolating yourself.

While spending time alone is important and healthy, isolating yourself is another thing entirely. Signs you may be isolating include avoiding social outings that used to be fun, canceling plans on a consistent basis, experiencing stress or anxiety when thinking about socializing, etc.

***

Mental health is imperative for overall wellness, and needing help managing your mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. If you have been experiencing any signs of mental health troubles, do not hesitate to reach out for support.

Here is the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life, based on your zodiac sign.

Aries 

Aries, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Shut Up and Dance” by WALK THE MOON. You are a passionate and intense fire sign who doesn’t waste time debating whether or not you’re going to go after someone you find attractive. You just do it! You are bold, fun, and ready to fall in love this summer.

Taurus 

Taurus, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Mine (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift. You want a steady love, a love that makes all of the other loves from your past irrelevant. You want a relationship that makes sense, that feels safe, and that lasts well past the summer.

Gemini 

Gemini, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)” by Whitney Houston. You are playful with your heart. You want a romance that is fun and exciting, someone you can have deep conversations with and someone you can also dance the night away with at the bar.

Cancer 

Cancer, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Home” by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. You are a homebody at heart but nothing makes you feel more secure than being with someone you love (and who loves you right back). For you, love feels a lot like coming home, which is why this is the perfect summer track for you.

Leo 

Leo, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift. Not only do you want to be celebrated, you don’t believe in hiding your feelings either. You don’t want to be secretive when it comes to who you love. You want to love out loud and let everyone know it.

Virgo 

Virgo, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Electric Touch (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)” by Taylor Swift featuring Fall Out Boy. When it comes to romance, you take your time. You are very cautious with your heart because you know what it feels like to have to put it back together. That said, you still want to fall in love. You just want to take a calculated risk, that’s all.

Libra 

Libra, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line. Always ready for romance, you want a love that feels like summer: hot, romantic, and hopeful. You want to spend these next few months finding love whenever you can.

Scorpio 

Scorpio, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Slide” by The Goo Goo Dolls. You struggle to trust and are hesitant to give your heart away before you are sure it’s the right person. You want someone who is all in and crazy about you. That is the only type of love for you.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Feeling This” by blink-182. You have an adventurous spirit with a heart that is hard to capture. That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be down for a summer fling, though. You don’t mind fleeting romance. In fact, you prefer it. Because just like summer, there is a season for everything.

Capricorn 

Capricorn, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Nice For What” by Drake. You have no time for the games that come with modern dating this summer. You are booked and busy. You need someone who is upfront and honest with their intentions. Otherwise, you’re not interested.

Aquarius

Aquarius, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Electric Feel” by MGMT. You require a mental connection in order to fall for someone else. You need that special intellectual spark. You want a love like no one else, a unique romance that is hard to define. That is what will keep you interested.

Pisces 

Pisces, the summer song that’s the soundtrack to your love life is “Lover” by Taylor Swift. You are a hopeless romantic and wear your heart on both of your sleeves. Your sensitive and intuitive nature makes it easy for you to see the best in others, and you have a tendency to fall in love rather quickly. You love love and this is why your summer song is “Lover.”

In the morning, when you wake up and don’t think of them until well into your afternoon. Know that you’re only remembering them because you realize you forgot them, not unlike the way you leave your coffee thermos on the kitchen counter on your way to work and don’t notice until you’re walking into the office. Visiting their memory became part of your routine. And just like a cigarette, they’re a hell of a vice to break.

***

See someone who looks like them at the bar and suddenly miss when they clutched your self-worth in their hands, but know deep down that this is merely a symptom of nostalgia and that you don’t want them. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t. Not anymore.

Because you know better now. You understand that to give someone the keys to your value is to have them hold it hostage, and there is nothing romantic about that. It’s merely self-destruction.

***

Understand it’s for the best. Still crave the worst every now and then anyway.

***

Try to recall what you saw in them. Close your eyes and squint into your mind’s eye to try to view them in that old, rose-colored hue but instead see nothing but shades of gray.

***

Delete their number. But save the text thread and photos, at least for now.

***

Wonder how someone you once believed in so strongly suddenly feels more like a ghost story than a prayer. A haunted house more than a home. A person more than a savior.

Come to terms with the fact people are just people, and you can’t love someone into being who you need.

***

Watch their birthday pass and don’t say a word. Finally delete your string of messages.

Still keep the photos.

***

Attempt to resurrect the butterflies but realize they’re already long departed. Clear the cobwebs off your heartstrings but notice the melody no longer sounds the same. Dig and dig and dig into that grave of what-once-was until your hands become raw. And as you sort through the gravel, realize you’re not entirely sure what you are even bleeding for; who you are even being torn apart for.

When you get to the bottom, find nothing at all. Consider this to be your answer.

When he DMs you out of the blue on Instagram, pay close attention to the way your heart snags, how your breath trips inside of your throat. Notice how the room around you suddenly goes quiet as you nervously open the message to find out what he wants.

When he says something along the lines of how “it’s been so long” and that “it would be nice to catch up,” admit that you’re curious but also know to be on guard. Cautiously write him back.

When you begin to engage in small talk, chatting about your now-diverged lives, find it peculiar how the conversation still flows as though nothing bad ever happened between you both. As if he never broke your heart. As if he didn’t let you let you go. As if he didn’t choose you. As if maybe this is that elusive second chance you thought you always wanted.

When the conversation turns and he says that you two could have been something wonderful, list all of the reasons why that didn’t end up happening. Recall how he blamed your age gap, how your 23 to his 29 made you too immature to commit to (but not too young to f*ck). Think back to how he put out your fire, dulled your intensity, short-circuited your ambition. Remember how you let him do these things because you thought he knew better. Now know that you do.

When you realize all of this and tell him that you want to cut ties, that your expiration date has long passed, that it is too little too late, watch him try harder to win you back. Don’t fall for it when he expresses regret because the only reason he is back is to see if he still has power over you. It’s an ego hit. Whatever you do, don’t give it to him.

When he says you’re the “one who got away” as one last Hail Mary, shatter your rose-colored glasses and give your eyes a minute to adjust. And when they do, and when you finally see him as the man he actually is, don’t feel much of anything at all. Instead, reignite your fire and let the flames take hold of the bridge you should have burned a long time ago with a simple, “I know.” Be endlessly grateful you were able to leave while you were able to. Finally understand that him letting you go was actually the second chance you had been looking for all along.