Date a woman who reads, who gets lost in bookstores and within the stories of places and people, falling in love with characters she’s never met and worlds she’s never been to. She doesn’t read to escape reality, though, but to experience another version of it. All of the words she consumes transport her to a different place, to a different time, to a different mind, all of which expand her horizons and make her feel alive.

Because when you date a woman who reads, you’re dating a well traveled woman, not only geographically, but historically and emotionally. She’s been to the roaring ‘20’s, within the beautiful minds of the world’s greatest artists. She’s been to war torn lands and orphanages, she’s learned the hardships of a life outside her own, making her more empathetic and aware that life is more than what she sees in front of her.

And with this knowledge, she always aims to be better, to try harder, and is always hungry for more. When she finishes one book, she’s back at the library or local bookstore, ready to be transported again and again.

And please remember that when you date a woman who reads, the books which speak loudest to her soul, the ones that touch her the most deeply and move her farther than she thought she would ever go, are the ones that are most important. So when she tells you about the lines that she loves the most, when she explains which characters she finds aversive and which ones she wants to emulate, listen closely and carefully. After all, she is showing you pieces of herself.

So read those books that she felt a deep connection with, and you’ll understand her own a bit better. You’ll get a glimpse into the world as she knew it before you, or into the world where she wants to go. You’ll learn what makes her cry, what makes her laugh, what makes her angry.

But mostly, when you date the woman who reads, make sure you share your own favorites, too. Show her the pieces that shaped you, the ones that remind you of what has broken you. The ones that make you happy. Because your story is another she’s just getting started on, and she can’t wait to be lost in it with you.

1. If you could invite five people, dead or alive, to a dinner party, who would you choose and why?

2. When you were little, where did you think you’d be by now? Are you there?

3. What was the last dream you had?

4. If you could start a band, what kind would it be and would you name it?

5. Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

6. What was the first album you bought, and why did you buy it?

7. It’s your 75th birthday. Where do you see yourself?

8. What is your favorite mistake?

9. Who do you look up to of the same sex?

10. Who is your role model of the opposite sex?

11. It’s New York City in the 1920’s. What are you doing?

12. What is your favorite book?

13. What is your guilty pleasure song?

14. What was a situation that you initially thought was terrible, but ended up being a blessing in disguise?

15. What’s your favorite word?

16. If you could choose a decade to grow up in, which would you choose?

17. What was your first concert?

18. The stupidest thing you’ve ever spent money on?

19. What would your superpower be?

20. And your superhero name?

21. If you could live in any city, which would you choose? Why?

22. Could you spend a day without your phone?

23. What about a week?

24. The Rolling Stones or the Beatles?

25. If you could be a type of beer, which would you be? Why?

26. If you could live in any fantasy world, be it Hogwarts or Narnia, where would you choose? Why?

27. What is the last book you read? Did you like it?

28. If you could have any talent, which would you have?

29. What was your AIM screenname? Why did you choose it?

30. Would you like to go out again next week?


The idea that strong women are intimidating and unattractive to men is one that has permeated across societies and cultures. Coupled with the other toxic notion that a woman’s greatest ambition in life is to find and marry a man, women have been discouraged from cultivating strength, power and independence. According to traditional values, these traits are best left in the hands of men, and to pursue these attributes would be unbecoming and unfeminine for a woman, surely leaving her alone.

Thankfully, it is 2016 and some of these ideologies about how a woman should act and her place in this world have become antiquated with modern times. However, for some men, strong women are still a source of discomfort and intimidation.

To these men, the woman who speaks her mind is merely loud. The woman who places her worth in her own hands instead of the hands of men is disconnected. The woman who tells you what she needs is bossy. The woman who is career driven is uptight.

The strong woman is unattractive.

But the truth is, if you cannot appreciate a woman who is self-assured, a woman who is unapologetically, completely and defiantly herself, then you’re the one missing out, not her.

If you cannot handle a strong woman who chases dreams and goals and promotions, then you’re honestly just kind of a dick. If you expect a woman to change so she aligns with your own ideas of how a woman should or should not be, then keep walking because she’s definitely not stopping for you.

And please note that a strong woman will not mind if you are intimidated. Not even slightly! She will not change her demeanor to make your masculinity feel less threatened. A strong woman will not make herself smaller to make you feel bigger. A strong woman will not be quiet so your voice is the only one that echoes. She will not fail to express her opinion if it differs from yours.

A strong woman will not change herself to make you like her, and she will not try to convince you to feel differently about her either. Because here’s the thing:

If you’re intimidated by strong women, she is not interested in you anyway.

I fell in love for the first time when I was 21. It was young and unrequited, and I knew we weren’t a good fit. I knew it didn’t make sense. But I had the hardest time letting him go. He was, after all, my first love.

Our first loves are always the hardest to let go.

It is the most stubborn version of love, our first encounter with one of the most elusive and fundamental components of human existence. It is our initial meeting with that feeling we have been hearing about from the greatest love songs since we were young, that beautiful, mysterious thing we get to only share with another beating heart. And once you have it, it’s hard to remember life before it. It’s hard to imagine living without it.

But often, we will end up having to live without them because our first love is merely that: our first. They do not become our last love. They do not grow up and old with us. We do not marry them. We break up. Sometimes, we even realize they were never ours to begin with. And once we start seeing the love unravel, we tend to fall apart too.

And as we crumble, we try and piece ourselves together with shards of hope that we’ll get back together with this person, or that this person will finally see what we could be all along. Our hearts remain tangled in these ideas of reconciliation and love, but here’s the truth:

We do not win them back. They move on.

And we move on eventually as well, but not without struggle. Our first love is the most difficult to break free from because they were the one who taught us what love meant and we associate love with everything that made us fall for them.

For a while, we will compare everyone new to our First Big Love. The looks, the feelings, the characteristics. We’ll go on dates and realize that the new people we try and love will laugh at different things. They will feel differently. Kiss differently. Love differently. And we may reject our first few shots at starting over because it did not look like what love was to us or what it was in the beginning. But here’s the thing:

The same love does not come back twice.

What we shared with our First Big Love does not transfer to our next. Instead, it will be with different eyes that will see you more, different hands that will hold yours tighter than the first. A different heart that beats to an unfamiliar rhythm, but one you will soon memorize and dance along to as you do with one of your favorite songs.

So yes, our first loves are the hardest to recover from and are the most difficult to let go. After all, they showed us what love can be.

They taught us that we could feel so deeply and that we could love at all.

And while first love may have taught us all of these lessons, our second love teaches something even more important:

No matter what happens, what ends, or how many times our heart breaks, we can, and always will, be able to love again. Love may leave, but it always comes back. Always.

9:30 PM on a Wednesday

Post Grad: “Wow, I’m in bed at such a good time. I’m going to get a whopping 7-ish hours of sleep!!!! I’ll even be able to make it to the gym in the morning.”

Undergrad: *Gets up from nap and cracks open a beer to pregame because your favorite bar has the best deals on Wednesdays*

Emails

Post Grad: Gmail is synced on your phone and you check it religiously throughout the day. Signs off all emails with “Best, [insert your name here].”

Undergrad: Checks email once in the morning to see if class is canceled. (It’s not.)

Wine

Post Grad: “Can I get a glass of Cab, please?”

Undergrad: “Who’s ready for Wendy Winehands?! I have two bottles of Barefoot and I’m ready to gooooo!”

Clothes



Post Grad: You look at clothes for equal parts longevity, style and fit. You also consider whether the pieces you pick out can double up for work attire. All of your hangers match. You have a day designated for laundry. You actually consider what’s in your closet a wardrobe.

Undergrad: Forever 21 is your Mecca. You look for clothes that you can wear to class than can be quickly transferred to bar appropriate. When you can’t muster up quarters for laundry, you turn to your your clever concoction of equal parts Febreze, perfume and prayer.

Money

Post Grad: *Maintains an Excel spreadsheet for your budget, complete with due dates and how much you have going into your 401K. Routinely reads about personal finance and attempts to understand the stock market*

Undergrad: *Sets up a GoFundMe in hopes that someone can help you pay your electric bill on time*

Dating



Post Grad: You’ve moved on from Tinder to Bumble because you realize the guys are hotter, less letchy and that you only deserve the best. You’ll discover that boys still ghost, but you now know that these aren’t the ones for you anyway. After all, you date men, not boys.

Undergrad: What’s dating? GIrlfriend, good college guys are few and in between. You know more ghosts than you thought you’d ever cross, and they’re not friendly like Casper. You learn the art of textual attraction and the difference between someone who asks you for coffee and one who says, “Wassupppppp?” at 2 AM. Patience, my friend. It gets better.

When was the last time you took a risk?

And I’m not talking some reckless shit like quitting your day job to start traveling all around Europe so you can ~find yourself~ in Michelangelo’s paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, all while speaking crappy Italian to the people standing next to you who honestly just wished you would shut up.

While I understand of the appeal of wanting to completely abandon a life that makes you feel unfulfilled and unhappy, you may not necessarily find it in an indefinite vacation. In fact, I think you may find just the opposite.

When I’m asking you about the last risk you took, I’m referring to the types of bets that can be taken within everyday circumstances, the chances we take on ourselves and on our loved ones. On strangers and on fate.

How about taking a bet on yourself by applying for the job you think you’d never get? What about asking that guy at the bar if you can buy him a drink, even if you perceive him as completely out of your league? How about letting someone know when they hurt you, even when it’s uncomfortable and they may not see from your point of view?

What about the thing that has no guarantees, that could very well end in pain and heartache and disappointment? Yeah, that thing you’re thinking of right now. That’s one of the risks you must take. Because if you’re not jumping into the waves of uncertainty daily, if you’re not risking anything on the regular, you are not living. You are surviving.

Because you survive by playing it safe, a solid fifteen or so feet from the ledge. You keep breathing by staying on the sidelines, watching everyone else’s mistakes so you don’t make the same blunders. But when you stay benched, you miss the moments on the field of your life that will take your breath away. You miss the thrill. The joy.

And yeah, you may avoid pain, but by dodging the ache that comes with being let down, you miss the opportunity to grow. Because it’s not only in the great moments of our life we grow. It’s in our failures, too.

So go ahead and get lost in a new city for a weekend or even in a local bookshop. Listen to a song you thought you’d never like (and may still not like). Go and approach that guy standing at the bar, even if he’s surrounded by friends. Apply for the job. Take the time to try and pick up a new skill, be it painting or a musical instrument. Ask for that raise you know you deserve.

Dance like no one’s watching in a crowded bar, try to learn to speak a new language even if you never really had a knack for learning different tongues. Let go of the person who is comfortable, but not good for you. Challenge yourself, dude. Just take a fucking risk. You have more to lose, after all, on all the chances you don’t take. You have more to lose by playing it safe.

So my final question is this:

What’s the next risk you’re going to take?

1. Watch your posture.

It’s amazing how much sitting up straight and walking with purpose can contribute to your overall sense of worth. As someone with inherently bad posture, the days I really pay attention to how I’m presenting myself to the world are the days I feel like the most responsible, engaged and confident version of myself. Hunching yourself over to make yourself smaller is not what you’re meant for. Let yourself be seen.

2. Take a break from social media.

You’ve definitely heard this one before, but it’s a golden rule. Social media is great for staying connected, but constantly being fed a stream brunch pics and new kids is not only mindless, it’s toxic. When we routinely peer into the carefully curated galleries of others’ lives, we often end up comparing those pictures to our own. And, if their images paint a life that is much happier, more successful and beautiful than our own, it’s easy to feel bad about ourselves, especially when we’re already low. So do yourself a favor and put down the Instagram and focus solely on your own endeavors.

3. Put yourself to a 30 day challenge.

Any 30 day challenge. Maybe it’s eating in for 30 days straight, maybe it’s no negative self talk or gossip. Showing yourself what you’re capable of and pushing yourself beyond what you believed your limitations are will not only give you strength, but will also help to build the confidence you need to pull yourself back together and become the person you were always meant to be.

4. Spend time alone.

Not a lot of time alone, but just enough to give yourself the opportunity to self reflect without using other people as a distraction or as your source of validation. Ask yourself questions to get to the bottom of what ails you: What is it that makes you so unhappy? What is preventing you from growing? What is it that triggered this tailspin you find yourself in, and what does that say about who you are and what you need? These are all questions you can ask yourself and these will hopefully start giving you the right answers, or at least lead you to the right questions.

5. Write down five things you like about yourself.

Any five things. It can be something physical such as your eyes, or it can be behavioral, such as your patience for other people. Whatever you like that has to do with you, jot it down. And, if you can think of more than five, keep writing!

6. Write down five things you don’t like about yourself.

You may come to find that the things you do like and the things you don’t like are all within your control. Maybe you don’t like that you’re impatient, or maybe it’s something as simple as wishing you ate better or worked out more. These are all skills that can be built upon. And the things you seriously can’t change? Work towards acceptance. We all have flaws and cracks and a level of brokenness that cannot be repaired. No one is perfect, and this is what makes us human.

7. Create an ~inspiration~ board (no, seriously).

Grab a cheap cork board and go to town creating a gallery of all that inspires you. Scour through magazines, find quotes that bring you joy or a feeling of understanding. Hang it somewhere where you can see it daily, and update as needed. Not only will the content on the board lift you out of listlessness when you see it, physically creating something can help give you a sense of purpose and happiness.

8. Find a cause you’re passionate about, and then get involved.

Find something that is bigger than whatever it is that’s bothering you. Maybe it’s donating at Planned Parenthood. Perhaps it’s going back to a place of worship, or volunteering at the local animal shelter once a week. Find something you’ve always wanted to get involved in and then get involved. You’ll be helping the greater good and will probably start to feel better, too.

9. Make exercise a priority.

We all know the benefits of exercise, both physically and mentally. Find something you like to do, be it yoga or running, and commit to it.

10. Whenever the going gets tough, remember to practice compassion.

For others and for yourself. Everyone is only doing the best they can at a given time with the given resources they have, including you. So don’t lose sight of this when you feel yourself coming apart. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad; don’t get down on yourself for just feeling anything at all or making the mistakes that come with being human. Be kind to yourself. You’re okay.


As you’ve probably already heard, TMZ reported today that Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from husband Brad Pitt on Monday, citing “irreconcilable differences” in her documentation.

Cue eruption from the Internet, claiming everything from love is dead to that it never existed in the first place. But, the thing that stood out most to me was that Jennifer Aniston, Pitt’s ex-wife, would be laughing maniacally from wherever she is, basking in the sweet schadenfreude in seeing her ex-husband’s marriage fall to pieces. And frankly, this is bullshit.

In case you need a refresher,

Pitt and Aniston were married from 2000 to 2005. The pair met while filming an episode of Friends in 1998 and were married in Malibu in 2000. However, in 2005, the couple announced they would be divorcing. Pitt had fallen in love with Jolie while filming the comedy Mr. and Mrs. Smith. In 2006, Jolie announced she and Pitt were expecting their first child. They were married in 2014 and now have six children together.

As you can probably guess, the media took the story and went to town. Jolie played the role of the homewrecking slut. Aniston, the victim and woman Pitt left behind, surely heartbroken and never to love again.

Poor Jen. Slutty Angie. And the role Pitt played? Just the dude two women were fighting over.

The story was a match made in tabloid heaven, a narrative that would follow Aniston for years, from every relationship she pursued. However, Aniston is now happily married to Justin Theroux. She’s successful AF. She’s hot AF. And you know what?

She probably doesn’t give a fuck that Pitt and Jolie are divorcing.

Like, not a single one. Home girl moved on, yo. She does not care. And the fact that everyone is speculating how one woman is probably rejoicing bitterly over one couple’s fall is frankly typical misogynistic bullshit.

You see, women are often pitted against one another, especially when it comes to the affection and attention of men. Women are taught from day one that we are in competition with one another, grabbing and fighting to be the object of the man’s desire. So despite Aniston’s successes, despite her being happy, the fact that one relationship with one guy didn’t work out surely has left her bitter and scarred. But this is clearly not the case.

Because here’s the thing: One man does not define a woman’s happiness, success or worth.

One man who decided he did not love her enough to stay does not make her unlovable or undesirable. He’s one dude. And even if Aniston had not found happiness with Theroux, she would still be worthwhile. She would still be the badass woman we know her for today.

So let’s let’s leave Jen out of this one. After all, she’s doing just fine.

“Oh, you make me laugh,” said the boy who would later break my heart.

We were out at a local dive bar with a group of our friends, and I don’t recall what crack I was making at that given time, but I do remember my heart feeling light, when it usually felt so heavy, and looking down to hide the smile that was swimming across my face.

I was a funny girl finally feeling seen.

We all know a funny girl. She’s the one whose wit can cut through concrete, whose laugh can be heard from the other room. She’s the girl who isn’t afraid to make a fool of herself and doesn’t take herself too seriously. She’s fun. She’s quick.

She’s funny.

She’ll keep you laughing until your sides hurt, with her arsenal of puns and comebacks always at the ready. You think how happy and fun she is. How confident she must be. And maybe she is.

But more often than not, the funny girl is funny because she’s afraid of getting hurt. Her humor is her shield. She realized by making others laugh, they wouldn’t see the pain in her laughlines. She discovered if she pointed out her flaws first, no one could use them against her.

A few months after our night at the dive bar, the boy who would break my heart and I were making out in his bed. I stopped to make a joke because I couldn’t handle that it was real, that I was there with him. I knew how these things played out. The boys I made laugh always walked away, so I might as well try and kill the moment.

But instead, he stopped, put his hand on his head and said the words I loved to hear:

“You’re so funny.”

And we started kissing again. But, I again was right. By the time the morning came, I realized what meant so much to me meant nothing to him. Because once again I was just a funny girl, confusing beingheard with truly being seen.

If you find yourself falling for a funny girl, realize she is going to be tougher to get close to than most because of the pain she’s experienced. And that’s okay, because when you break down her walls, when you get past the jokes and the laugher, you’ll see all of her and probably fall deeper than you had before.

Be gentle and patient because this vulnerability will be difficult for her. The moments when she’s without her shield, she’s going to feel squirmy and want to run. Hold her hand. Let her know she’s okay.

And when you finally get through to her, the funny girl will love you deeply and fiercely. She will make your days brighter, and always give you a fresh perspective on the world. Her passion will be contagious. She is worth it. She will always be worth it.

Dear Kid Cudi,

I heard you checked yourself into rehab on Tuesday. You explained to us, your fans, in a raw and heartfelt letter on Facebook that you have been dealing with “depression and suicidal urges” and would need to seek professional help. You said you felt ashamed for what you felt, being a leader and hero to us and admitting that you weren’t as okay as you tried to appear.

But the truth is, I’m so proud of you for seeking the help you need. Not only proud, but relieved.

Because here’s the thing: I’ve been there, Cudi. And depression and anxiety is some real fucking awful shit.

It’s lonely and isolating and painful. The anxiety makes you feel like you’re falling with no end in sight. You’re just falling, falling, falling and just waiting to hit the ground that never comes, but you still feel like it’s there somewhere. And the depression? That’s the darkness that surrounds you as you fall. Just utter bleakness as you simultaneously scramble to try and stop yourself from falling and give up almost in the same breath. It’s exhausting. It’s dangerous.

It’s illness.

Of course, everyone’s depression festers differently, so I can’t say I know 100% what you’re going through, or what feelings have led you to believe that you and your life aren’t worth it. But I know what it’s like to feel so hopeless you can’t get up in the morning. I know what it’s like to withdraw from the support you have because you feel like you’re not worthy of love and belonging. I get it. I do. And I also know this:

You’re going to be okay.

It’s going to take hard, diligent work and “commitment,” as you so eloquently put it yourself, but you’re going to get there. Even when you’re feeling so utterly broken and like all the pieces of yourself are all scattered across the floor, you’ll begin to pick them back up. You’ll put yourself back together.

You get better.

And when you do, we’ll be here. And so will you. And that’s all we really care about.

You’re putting forward a great example as a leader and hero by seeking the treatment you need to heal. So no need to be ashamed, Scott. You probably saved more than a couple of lives today. You let some kids know that you can get help, that you can be okay.

Anyway, you’re in my thoughts. I wish you all the best in the world. You got this.

Much love,

A fellow depressed kid

I am 24-years-old. I currently rent a somewhat shitty, but not totally terrible, apartment where maintenance never fixes anything they say they will, but it is in a safe area so I can’t complain too much. I have a roommate, whom I love, and a steady, full-time job at a digital agency where I’m gaining tons of ~real world~ experience.

I barely have a credit history, but I pay my student loans every single month and am never late on any of my other bills. I am single and can barely get a guy to text me back in a reasonable time (or at all). And don’t ask me about kids. My uterus is barren AF and frankly I am quite happy about that.

All in all, I’m just your average 24-year-old in 2016, simultaneously happy with my life and totally disappointed in myself all at once. I’m happy because I know I’m not the only one in my current predicament, and knowing this makes me feel a little less behind and a lot less alone.

But at the same time, I feel like a total waste of space because all the fancy magazines and real adults are saying my generation are just a bunch of entitled, lazy big kids with adult paychecks, running amuck and not having a clue what reality is. We’re millennials, blessed by default and lazy by choice.

And maybe they’re right. I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that there’s this sense of comradery among us 24-year-olds in 2016 which I love, this feeling of being all in together on our collective fuckedupedness. We joke about the lack of commitment that is otherwise scoffed at. We laugh at our inability to cook a decent meal. We shrug off the lack of control we feel over everything, and figure that it will all work itself out in the years to come.

We have each other’s backs.

And this, I think is what makes our generation wonderfully unique. We don’t think about each other as competition, we don’t see one another as roadblocks to get what we want. We know that we’re all intricately connected, and our decisions impact one another. And I’m proud of this.

I’m proud of us.

We’re the generation that asks not “What’s next?” but instead “What else?” We don’t think about things in a step-by-step mentality like the generations before us, with deadlines and benchmarks. We don’t hear the ticking clock hurrying us along. We don’t see marriage at 27, kids by 30, and a house in the suburbs by 33.

Instead, we’re thinking about how our friends can be our family. How maybe getting married later (or not at all) isn’t that bad. Maybe we start coming to the realization that we aren’t cut out to be parents, or that we never want to climb the corporate ladders. Maybe an apartment rather than a big fancy house will become our palace. Perhaps the love of our life is actually the art we create.

Whatever our ideas of happiness and success are, it departs from conventional expectations. We’re doing things differently, and I feel like that’s still okay. I still feel like we’re okay. We see all aspects of what we could be, what we could do. We’re the thinkers, the movers. We may not be where we thought we’d be, or where society thinks we should be, but we’re making big changes.

We’re still goddamn adults even if we don’t have a mortgage or won’t be CEO’s of a major company by the time we’re 28. We work hard, despite what the older adults think. And this is the truth about being 24 in 2016. We’re always told we’re not doing enough, that we aren’t enough, but the reality is we are more than enough.

We’re all just fine.

You wait.

You wait for a long time. You wait through new lovers and meaningless flings. You wait through lonely days and even lonelier nights. You wait for him to change his mind. You wait for the moment he discovers all those beautiful, broken parts of you and wait for him to piece them back together, to make you a full person again. You wait for the moment when he’ll fall for you the way you fell for him. It’s coming. You just know it. It has to!

But it never does.

You blame yourself.

You think that if you were only prettier, smarter, and thinner that he would see your worth. More like her and less like you. You blame your crooked smile, your frizzy hair. You blame the mess that is your breaking heart, and start to believe that you are too much to handle. You think back to those beautiful, broken pieces of yourself and start to believe that they weren’t actually beautiful.

They were just broken.

You wish.

You wish, you wish, you wish. You wish you never told him all that you did. You wish you never knew that love could be so strong if it could not be returned. You wish it could have worked. You wish you were different, that timing had been better. You wish you didn’t love him anymore.

You wish you never met him at all.

You break.

You break apart in line at the grocery store, you fall apart at the bar. You break your belief in love. You break dishes. You break yourself. You break your own heart over and over again, hoping that he’ll come back.

But he was never there at all.

You accept it.


You accept that he’s not coming to pick up the pieces he left behind, even though he’s the one who broke you. You accept that loving you was not something he could do. You accept it all and begin to gather the scattered parts of you all on your own. And it’s in the reflections of these shards of you that you begin to see yourself again. You see who you used to be before him, and who you are after. You accept he’s changed some of you, but not all of you. You start to see the beauty in being broken, the beauty in your crooked smile, frizzy hair, and messy heart. You see that life can be okay without him. That it can even be good.

You accept that he did not love you, and you accept that you too will one day move on.

1. Learn a second language

2. Travel to a country that speaks the language you chose and test your skills

3. Switch careers to do something you always wanted to do

4. Throw yourself into the work you already do and kick ass at it

5. Go back to school

6. Go to school for the first time

7. Grow into the person you always wanted to be

8. Come home late, without having to check in and let someone else know you’re not coming home

9. Go home early and not worry that you’re disappointing anyone

10. Breathe in

11. Breathe out

12. Sleep with someone new

13. Get drunk on a Monday night

14. Get lost in Amsterdam or New York City or Portland

15. Move forward with your life

16. Become the best version of yourself

17. Meet someone new

18. Fall in love

19. Write the next great novel

20. Listen to the little voice in your head that says you’re worthy

21. Dance the night away

22. Believe in yourself again

23. Believe in love again

24. Spend more time with your family

25. Realize that you truly can, and truly will, survive without them.

Remove the old texts from your phone, the messages that gave you hope, that made you believe that the two of you could be something. Delete them all. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to search for meaning between the pixelated words on the screen. Don’t give yourself the chance to analyze time stamps and emojis, promises and plans to hangout. Maybe at one time these messages would signify a future, but now they are simply the past. Let them be so. Delete those texts.

And then erase the tough texts, too, the ones where he took too long to reply, the ones where he told you he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Get rid of the texts that confirmed your worst fears: he was not invested in you and never would be. You got the information you needed. No need to keep opening the wounds by scanning the words that burst your heart open. Erase the texts. It’s okay.

And now scroll to his name one last time.

And almost send him a message. Draft out a declaration saying you still want to be friends, even though you both know that’s not true. Type out that you’ll get over it eventually, even though right now you don’t see yourself doing so. Lace together these beautiful lies stitched together with hope and good intentions, and hover your thumb above “Send.” But instead, backspace it all.

And then delete his number.

Stare at your phone for a minute to let it sink in that you won’t be reaching out to him on your toughest nights and that he won’t be the one to comfort you. Let it come together that you won’t be wishing him a happy 27th birthday, and he won’t wish you a happy 25th. You won’t get to hear how his mom is doing, you won’t get to see him on New Year’s Eve. Let it all sink in that his name is no longer going to pop up on your screen on the drive home from his work day. You won’t know if he got that promotion. You won’t know if he ever got out of that job he hated.

He is no longer part of your life and you no longer part of his. And this is okay. You are okay.

Now put your phone down. Walk away from it all for a while. Feel the distinct mixture of sadness and freedom pumping through your veins, the feeling that only comes with the end of something painful and the beginning of something more. Feel the sweet relief and heaviness collapse on you all at once and realize that you are on your way to moving on. You deleted his number, one step closer to removing him from your heart.

Fall in love with an old soul, the kind of person who thinks and loves deeply and intensely. Fall in love with the person whose wisdom does not match their physical years, the introspective type whose experiences have weathered their hearts, but left them equipped with the type of knowledge that usually only comes with age. Fall in love with an old soul.

Despite this wisdom that makes them tick, old souls are still filled with a sense of wonder. They appreciate the little things, the tiny moments that happen in our day-to-day experiences. They realize that it’s these little moments that cumulate into bigger and greater things. They know that it’s these tiny instances that make up our lives.

An old soul will remember the little details about you, about your relationship. They’ll remember the favorite part of your favorite movie, even if you haven’t watched it together in some time. Fall in love with the person who will remember your favorite foods and be ready to bring them to you when you’re sick or had a shitty day. Fall in love with the person who knows exactly what it is that will make you laugh, and be the shoulder to cry on when you need to.

After all, old souls tend to be empaths. They can sense how others are feeling easily and intuitively, and in fact will most likely feel along with you. They pick up on emotional cues without trying, and will be able to know exactly what needs to be said, or what doesn’t need to be. You should fall in love with an old soul.

And when you fall in love with an old soul, be prepared for a deep relationship, one that prioritizes passion, compassion and communication. Be ready to share a love with someone so true and raw that you will never be able to compare to any other like it. Know that you will be staying up till 2 AM some nights, sharing your thoughts on the universe and beyond it, conversations that reveal parts of you that you thought you could never share with anyone, but with them they feel safe. With them, these parts of you are welcome and cherished.

Because an old soul realizes that we’ve all been through pain that others will never truly understand. An old soul has enough compassion to know that everyone hurts and has ugliness that they hope no one will ever see, flaws that we like to bury deep so that we keep others around. But after enough times, these parts of us show and when they do, it will make them love you even more. After all, flaws never drove someone away from love. Otherwise, we would all be alone.

So when you’re finding someone to spend your little moments with, when you’re looking for a partner who will support you and love you wholeheartedly and cheer you on, who will empathize with you, find an old soul. When you’re looking for a deep thinker, someone who gets lost in their own minds, who goes down twisting paths of thought and hypothesis, myths and daydreams, look no further than the old soul. Because if you fall in love with an old soul, you are lucky because they know how lucky they are to have you.

“I think I’ve been avoiding getting involved with anyone because I’m just so scared of getting hurt.”

I was sitting with one of my best friends, Heather, on her living room floor when those words escaped from my lips. I was surprised when I heard myself say it. It sounded so goddamn cliche, so trite. But, of course, it was true. I was dodging each and every romantic situation I came across because I was convinced heartbreak would follow.

And man, was I good at it! I claimed I just needed to work on myself, as though self-improvement and self-love were only accomplished in one’s solitary, unachievable if you had support along the way. But, what I was really doing was building walls, laying a foundation that screamed “STAY AWAY,” brick by brick.

I had tested strategies in place too, such as skillful self sabotage that let me choose when and how it ended, or avoidance that made it certain that no one could ever get too close. I put all of these measures in place to ensure my heart stayed intact, but here’s the kicker: I was still hurting. And, when I finally said the words aloud to Heather that night, all that pain was realized.

We sat silently for a bit, letting myself come to terms with it all. Finally, Heather smiled and said:

“Go get your heart broken. You get better at fixing it every time.”

And it was at that moment I knew that was what I needed to do. I had to go risk getting my heart broken.

Because here’s the truth: you will do far more damage by keeping your heart locked away than by putting it out there and asking to be loved or to love. Our hearts were made to be resilient. They were made to expand and contract and to love and hurt. And so, the longer you keep your heart tucked away is more time spent denying yourself the experiences needed to learn how to put yourself back together. You’ll start to recognize which pieces go where, which parts need a little extra attention and which ones tend to heal better when they are simply let be.

So go sit through a lot of crappy dates with those who aren’t a good match for you. People who bore you, or turn out to be real jerks. Ghosts. And realize this is not wasted time, but all part of learning how to put your heart back together, lessons in dealing with disappointments and rejections.

And also find someone you really see potential in, a future with. This someone will have values that align with your own, who keeps you laughing till two o’clock in the morning. The person who takes care of you when you’re sick and accompanies you to shitty work functions to make them less shitty, who watches hungover Netflix with you on Saturday morning.

And when you find this person, do everything right. Commit to each other and hope for the best. Fall in love with them. Accompany them to shitty work functions and keep them laughing till 2AM. Bring them soup when they’re sick and be a shoulder to cry on when they need to. Know how good love can be and be so grateful you found them.

And then acknowledge it could end.

This person could very well break your heart. Life can get in the way of love, and sometimes it is then no longer enough. People change. You change. Jobs change. Shit happens. This is a fact. And this is also okay.

Don’t let the chance of something beautiful ending prevent you from trying at all. Because it could work out. If you never took the risk in the first place, how could you know? And if it doesn’t? It’s going to hurt like hell. But you’ll put yourself and your heart back together. After all, you’ve done so before. Who says you can’t do it again? So go get your heart broken.

You’ll get better at fixing it every time.

1. The very second you start getting hung up on someone who rejected you, text your best friend.
Text them something you love about them, or a funny memory you the two of you share. Redirecting your attention to what is in your life, as opposed to obsessing over what could be, is far more productive and healthy.

2. Start getting up an hour earlier (even if you stayed up late). 
Pour a big cup of coffee or tea, make a kickass breakfast, and get ready to start your day with an hour dedicated to you and you alone. Take this extra 60 minutes to throw yourself into what you always wanted to do, but never feel like you have the time. This could mean taking a walk outside, meditating, reading, learning a new language, or whatever is popping up in your head right now.

3. Listen to one new song a day. 
You may think you know your favorite song, but the amount of music your ears have yet to be graced with is infinite. Check out a genre you wouldn’t normally gravitate towards and expand your musical horizons. If you don’t even know where to begin, check out Spotify’s Discover Weekly or Browse features.

4. Make the time to call or see your grandparents once a week.
 If you’re fortunate enough to still have your grandparents, be sure to call them at least once a week, even if it’s just a quick call to ask them about their day or just stopping by for a cup of coffee. It’s not just good for you; it’s great for them, too.

5. Make every Saturday before noon tech free.
 If possible, make sure every Saturday before noon is free of technology. That means no social media, email, TV, and the Internet. Be sure to get your friends on board, too! Go to a phones free brunch

6. Read one new story a day on a topic that fascinates you. 
Become acquainted with the world outside of your own. Start following your favorite publications on Twitter or find an email newsletter (love you, Skimm!) to keep you up-to-date on the latest on current events. It’s not just because it’s interesting; it’s your responsibility to keep up, too.

7. Get (and use) a library card.
 Technology is great and has revolutionized the way we live, but there’s nothing comparable to getting lost for a few hours inside your public library, exploring all the different sections and finding books that could change your life (or just transport you to a different one for a little while). Plus, it’s free! There’s truly no downside.

8. Do more shit you’re bad at. 
You could get good at it. You could still suck, but the point is the experience is humbling and hopefully fun. Not everything has to fluff your ego. Sometimes, it’s solely for the sake of building other skills, like patience, determination, and commitment.

9. Find a cause you’re passionate about and get involved. 
In case you didn’t notice the shitshow of a year that was 2016, there is plenty to be passionate about (and to get involved with) in 2017. Maybe it’s donating to Planned Parenthood, attending a Black Lives Matter meeting, or simply speaking out about saving the environment. Whatever it may be, don’t sit still. Move.

10. Make exercise a priority.
 You don’t have to be the next Kayla Itsines or become a Whey worshiping bro. Just get moving the way you like, be it dance, yoga, or just a simple walk outside. Be sure to start slowly if you’re trying to work your way up to more rigorous exercise, too. You don’t want to burn yourself out or get discouraged because you can’t run a marathon in three days. Just take your time. You’ll get to where you need to be.

11. Talk (and listen!) to more kids. 
They’ll remind you just how wonderfully strange it is to be alive and human with their unique perspective of the world around you. Plus, being a kid is hard. Often times, you aren’t taken seriously and as we grow into adults we often forget what that was like. If you can make a difference in a child’s day by making them feel heard and seen, it makes a huge impact.

12. Put whatever percent of your paycheck you can into savings.
 Even if it’s only $25 you can hide away per month, make sure it lands (and stays) in your savings account. Starting to prepare for anything the future may hold, be it a vacation or a health emergency, will help you feel so much more secure. 

Don’t have a saving account? OPEN ONE UP!

13. Give five sincere compliments a day. 
Giving yourself a compliment quota will encourage you to be more engaged with the people around you and make others feel good (including yourself). It doesn’t cost anything to tell someone when you notice something nice about them, so go ahead and let them know! We all need to be lifted up every now and then, and you never know when someone might really need to hear the kind words. 


1. Every day is fresh.

2. You are enough.

3. Take care of those who take care of you.

4. You are the way you are right now, and this is okay.

5. Practice compassion for others and yourself. Always.

6. More listening, less speaking.

7. Remember: Everyone knows something you don’t.

8. Live with intention.

9. You won’t always get it right, but you will always learn something from your mistakes.

10. Slow down. Breathe. Repeat.

11. One step at a time.

12. More fruits and veggies.

13. Speak up when you see something wrong, and then do something about it.

14. You can accept yourself and still want to change. These ideas are not mutually exclusive.

15. Be kinder than you feel.

16. Invest in yourself.

17. Be patient, be gracious, be good.

When you stop hearing from him, assume it’s because he’s busy.

He’s could just be with his friends or family, or maybe he’s working. Perhaps he just forgot to reply. You don’t know, but you don’t take it personally, not quite yet. You still trust him. You still like him. There’s still hope in your heart.

After all, things were going well, weren’t they? You spent a lot of time together. Laughing, holding hands, falling asleep to the sound of each others’ slowing breaths, as you drifted asleep. Your heart fluttered for the first time in a long time whenever you saw him. It doesn’t just do that for anyone. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?

And yet, you still don’t hear from him.

You check your phone, hoping to see his name on the screen. But he never shows up. Not once. Radio silence. You consider reaching out to him, and asking him how he’s been, and maybe if he’d like to get together. But you know better than that.

You know how these things go.

You begin to pretend you don’t care. You tell yourself that you weren’t all that interested anyway. When friends ask what’s going on between the two of you, you simply shrug nonchalantly and quickly change the subject. You don’t want to talk about it.

After all, what is there to say? You could tell them you’re hurting and your heart is breaking, but you don’t want to seem weak. You don’t want to admit that you let yourself fall, that you let someone break down the walls you so carefully built, piece by piece, heartbreak by heartbreak. You built them to prevent feeling like this.

But after a while, you start to move on.

Slowly, but surely you do. You stop checking your phone to see if he texted you, you stop hoping it’s him every time you feel it buzz. You remove your text history, you delete his number. You talk to your friends about him. You admit you’re disappointed and heartbroken. You acknowledge that it’s over.

You stop playing into the what-if’s and could-be’s. You stop playing out the scenarios in your mind where you convinced yourself you messed it up, where it all went wrong. That if you only hadn’t said that one thing, the two of you would still be something. The two of you would still have a chance.

But then you realize that it wasn’t you. It wasn’t anything you said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do. And it wasn’t him, either. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. The truth of the matter is that some people aren’t made for us, and vice versa. Some love just isn’t meant to grow.

So you let the idea of him go, the idea of you and him as something.

And this isn’t to say it still doesn’t hurt for a while. It will. It does. You’ll pass coffee shops and restaurants the two of you used to spend time at, you pass the spot on the street where you had your first kiss together. You’ll remember him, remember the little moments, and feel the pain that comes with knowing it will never happen again, not with him.

But then you get stronger.

You’ll pass those places the two of you used to hide away, and instead of feeling pain, you’ll smile. You’ll pass that spot on the street where you two first kissed, and remember him for what he was, for what the two of you were: Fun, young and temporary.

Because you come to learn that being bitter will not help, that it will not change a thing. It will not do you good to make him the bad guy, or to negate what the two of you had. You sometimes wish he had said goodbye, or that he had given you an explanation. But eventually you stop wondering. You stop wishing.

You move on, with your walls down and heart open, ready for something more.

I wish all conversations
were like the ones we have
at 2 AM,
when the world is quiet
and our heartbeats loud.

I wish all the words we shared were as
honest and raw
as the ones that escape
from our lips
during one night’s end
and one morning’s beginning.

Because it’s at 2 AM
when our humanity
tends to let its guard down,
and show through.
It’s at 2 AM when
we let all of ourselves
be seen completely:
Ugly and unafraid.
Beautiful and ready
for love.

But mostly I just wish
I had another 2AM
to spend with you.